My intention of having a blog was so I could let out my feelings onto it. It was so I could type down my problems and joy. But I've realised I haven't been using it for that purpose at all. I haven't been totally truthful with my feelings on my blog.

Debbie's noticed this and she encouraged me to put out my feelings but to be honest, I can't. I have too many things that I'm not ready to share yet. Every time I'm onto something that matters to me, I'd stop and press the backspace button. Because I'm afraid of what other people might think of me. I'm very blunt with words. Even though I try not to, the things I don't do end up hurting them. Debbie, you've had a glimpse of what I mean by personal words. You've read that entry and I think you know what kind of pain I'm feeling. And that I can't let it be known. Sometimes, it's better if nobody knows what's going on. At least that way, you won't fall apart in front of them.

Sometimes I wonder if I really have grown up yet and really thought things through. Other times, I wonder if I'm thinking of too much and am growing too fast.

If you really want me to be honest with my feelings, you shouldn't depend on my blog.