I'm going to be terribly honest with myself.

I feel horrible.
I'm too tense to move, to hurt to think.

All these years I had fooled myself thinking you could save me, but you had yet to save yourself. You convinced me you were my best friend so I put my trust in you but you used it to turn it against me. I have no voice of my own because you refuse to listen. Sometimes I want things to be just as they were. When you accuse me of our friendship, I turn cold and I harden up inside. I'm too used to that now so that's how i am with you. You taught me to toughen up.

I've learned another thing about myself.
I try not to get too close with anyone because i fall to hard. I'm afraid it might be too hard to pick myself up from the mess i made.
I would wrap myself up in a blanket and hide my face with my bolster. So no one could see that I was crying. So no one could know that i was stifling my tears.
Over time, I've created a cocoon of protection. It's been there to give me warmth and comfort and a place to think. And yet it was the very thing that hurt me.

As i see it, everyone is sad. No one's in the right condition to sit for any exam.