Three Cheers for my 51st post. Wow.
I know i haven't been posting as much and i have good reasons for that. I don't really want to post because I'm not sure if most of 2e1 has read my post. You know, just in case they get the message late and all. Also, i have things to tell but i don't really know how to explain them. Everything's just kinda jumbled up.
My 51st post came at an appropriate time because now i have two things to celebrate about. My 51st post and my birthday. Now, if you have read my profile, it says there that my birthday's on Halloween. For my whole life, I've always been excited for the day that officially tells me I'm getting old but this year, I'm not quite. And it's not because i know I'm getting old (what a drag), it's more like because i don't really have the mood to celebrate me getting old. I'm not sure why, but for some time, things only strike me when some days have passed.
Like during the barbecue, exams, birthday. And i just started noticing it. Am i crazy? Anyway, after all that blah, i want to talk about what i came here for.
I feel really guilty because of my low grades and still i wana celebrate my birthday?? This year is the second most important exam, besides the O's. And i got freaking low marks at them. I wanted to please my mom with my marks but i may end up disappointing her real bad. She was so excited to know my exam results, which she still is clueless about. I haven't told her - yet. I'm afraid. So i told her I'm getting my results tomorrow, when i get to know which class i go to which might help me gather some kind excuse.
This was how the conversation went with her yesterday about my results and the birthday party.
M: "I'm sorry Batrisyiah, but i can't take leave for you to celebrate your birthday with you on Friday"
A: (shocked) "Huh? Uh, never mind. (Real quietly) My friends said they want to take me out to celebrate my birthday with them."
M: "Is it? Then go lah (she starts smiling that makes me feel guiltier). "
A: "But I'm getting my results tomorrow"
M: "Nevermind ah. You can tell me later"
Yes, my mum calls me Batrisyiah at home. And see how guilty the conversation is for me! Gahhh. She doesn't know how freaking terrible my results are! And she's so sweet! Later that night, she told me she really hopes i do well and the twinkling eyes dropped a bomb in my stomach. She saw my face and she immediately added "but if you don't do so well, it's okay. I don't want to expect so much really. You do your best can already" I did do my best! Well, at least i think i did. But my results really didn't show it. I was kind of hoping that i got the wrong papers when i saw them. Bloody hell.
How to celebrate like that, man? I could probably just celebrate first and then worry right? Right, i don't know if I'm able to celebrate without a care. In the back of my mind, I'd still be thinking about what would happen later. But anyway, i think is should celebrate. Try to take my mind away for a while. And my friends have planned something i think (it's a surprise, so I'm not really sure. i just know they have ideas) .
Friends have told me "you may get into e2","i think you'll get into e4", "most likely you'll get into e3 lah". Like how do they know?! Gahhh. I want to get in 3e2 so freaking badly! Anyway, tomorrow's the day when i get to see who's going to what class and ima try find whoever's getting in the same slass with me.
A friend told me this:
" You have to balance your happiness and sadness cause if you're really happy at one point, your gona be really sad the next"
Shit, man. Shit.
