I'm so sorry Zhi Wei!

I got angry at him and called him "idiot".

He screamed back and embarrasssed me, saying

"You lah damn idiot! Say people!"

Shit.

I didn't look around but the whole class must have been looking at me.

Gahhhhhhh.

I think it was because my pen cap was lost.

Someone had been playing with my pencilbox without my permission

and it ended up to be found somewhere in class.

It wasn't really because of the lost pencap

but more because someone had been playin with my stuff and were irresponsible enough to lose what they "stole".

Damn them.

And somebody kept getting angry at me.

$%#@$*

I didn't like it that that person was screaming at my face.

I didn't do anything to that person but that person just treated me like that and i felt like bullshit.

That person embarrasses me in front of other people.

I thought i liked that person but now i don't know.

I just don't know anymore.

And what's been happening at home doesn't really help much.

Not to forget that i have to sit way in front and my teacher expects that "it's okay" if i have to sit uncomfortably.

I t doesn't help that the people i loved have now changed and i feel so left out.

It doesn't help that what i wanted, i don't get.

It goes to the person who doesn't deserve it and has too much of what that person has.

It's unfair.

I'd like to teach that person a thing or two but i can't.

I've got no heart to do that.

It doesn't help that the people i trusted have gone their own ways, leaving me in the dark.

It doesn't help that some people have turned obnoxiously rude and proud.

It doesn't help that i have to sacrifice something for the person who doesn't deserve it because i've got no guts to stop.

It doesn't help that people have compared me so much to other people tat i have adopted that kind of thinking too.

It doesn't help that i have too much on my plate.

It doesn't help that what i've been after just had to turn their back on me.

It doesn't help that i give up on that.

It doesn't help that i have instilled a certain thinking in my mind to make me feel like a loser.

Loser.

Loser.

Idiot.

This all just took its toll on me and everything blew out of proportion.

Everything came out the wrong way.

Everything was uncontrollable.

And that just sucked.

Big time.

I got angry at Zhi Wei and i don't blame it that he scolded me back.

Just wished it wasn't as loud.

Now there's a little black mark on my reputation.

I hate it when other people get what they didn't work for.

They're so greedy.

I wish you'd stop taking everything i wanted.

I wish everyone would stop admiring you.

I wish everyone would stop thinking how great you are.

I wish you'd stop screaming at me.

I'd wish you'd stop.

Stop everything you're doing and pay attention to me.

Because now, i need you to listen to me.

I don't know how to tell it to you though.

It would be too akward.

I wish everything would be what it used to be.

The way i thought it was.

I wish i'd stop being so negative.

I have no guts like you, and it hurts.

I just don't know anymore.